So were not getting the larger room anymore. We were told we would be swapping. We get promises and all excited and went it comes to the call it never happens. I sleep on a mattress on the floor that’s near broken, spring all sharp. Sometimes it hurts my back, but I don’t have back problems so I put up with it. If we got the bigger room I could convince my mother to buy me a double bed, but it doesn’t look like is going to happen. And the Internet was off all of last night, because someone was downloading lots of stuff.
Speaking of my parents, my dad recently sold his house and moved in with his partner. My laptop is broken, never to rise again, he is sat on all this money but cant be bothered to get me a new one. I know it sounds like all I care about is money, but it isn’t, it’s the thought. If it was her children his money would be spent no doubt.
I want us to move out, but I don’t work enough, and he can’t really work. He has to go see a psychiatrist soon so things might be changing. He might ask them for help. I just want somewhere of my own, my own space where I feel comfortable.
All my friends seem to have gone. I know its kinda my fault, I was the first to leave as one told me but it upsets me. I only keep in touch with them over myspace and that. And you couldn’t really call that keeping in touch. I have no friends except him in this town. Sometimes it makes me sad. But I get over it, I have him and that makes me so happy.
I was dreaming earlier, of when I’m a successful writer/artist (if ever). I’d like a big house next to the sea, a lovely flat in a town (I know which one) and a nice flat in Paris. All character properties. I can dream. My mother fly’s home at the end of this week, I can’t wait. I’ve missed her, she’s been so far away, and I’ve missed her calls and emails and visits.
Time to sleep I think, it’s an early night tomorrow, and an early morning the day after that.

i get really upset on a night
i want to cry, and i have a silly thoughts
i cant wake him up and i feel all sad

I entrust these secrets to you. To hold, to read, to keep if you please.
I’m so angry. Living here is so hard. I thought living with my other half’s parents would be fine. But it’s not. His step dad has said two words to me in the whole time we are together. He makes living her awful. And he makes the other half ill. Petty, disgusting little man, bullying people half his age.
I thought we would only be here for awhile but no. I’m still stuck in this tiny room. I thought we would move out, but the two of us have to share the tiny room, while the other half’s brother has a large room all to himself. All my belonging are at my parents house, hours away. On a night we have to put out two single mattresses on the floor next to each other. I have one that’s broken, springs popping out everywhere. Sticking in my back. And the other half’s brother plays loud music and bangs around till the wee hours. He has friends over, and they’re really loud. All I can hear is them really loud. And I feel trapped. This place is a prison. And the other half doesn't have a job so were stuck until he gets one. It’s really hard.
I can’t wait until I can go back to uni, just over a year away. We can move away, and my student loan will cover the flat and the other half will work part time to pay the bills.
And I’ve not even started on work.
More later.